Tuesday, 24 April 2007

Sausages are off the menu until further notice

I'm not too sure there's much to be added to this story:
A man has undergone ground breaking microsurgery after cutting off his penis in a crowded London restaurant.

The 35-year-old Polish national burst into the 200-seat Zizzi eaterie on The Strand and grabbed a large knife from the kitchen before jumping onto a table and dropping his trousers.

As panicking diners fled, the man sliced his penis off.

"This guy came running in then charged into the kitchen, got a massive knife and started waving it about," sales rep Stuart McMahon told The Sun newspaper.

"Everyone was screaming and running out as he jumped on a table, dropped his trousers and popped his penis out. Then he cut it off. I couldn't believe it.

"The staff were really upset and there was blood everywhere."

The man was subdued by police wielding tear gas, who packed the severed organ in ice then took it and the man to St Thomas's Hospital in south London.

A spokeswoman for the Royal College of Surgeons confirmed this was the first attempt in British history to reattach a severed penis, but there is no indication at this stage that it was a success.

Zizzi was set to re-open for business last night.
Apart from bringing a new meaning to the term 'Zizzi sausage' things have returned to normal. What do you charge someone with for lopping off their old feller in a crowded restaurant? Are there any charges to be laid at all? Exposing oneself in public, perhaps. The things people do...

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I reckon the misguided fellow had the hots for the waitress and thought his genital warming was a result of global warming. What a silly prick.

Stevo

Jay said...

When I was a police officer there were two guys fighting over a woman and one of them cut the other one's dingus off, and threw it out the door. We got there...one guy screaming, one guy laughing, and a woman in shock. One went to jail, one went to the hospital, but we never found the severed organ. Neighborhood dogs apparently ran off with it.

Some things you never forget.

Jack Lacton said...

Jay - how the heck does it come about that one bloke can cut another's pecker off? I'm 6'3" and near 300 pounds and I don't reckon I could successfully hold down a 140 pound weakling and lop off his weener. That sort of thing would have to give the potential victim superhuman strength, surely?

Anonymous said...

Ha! Jack and Jay ... you've both got the elements of a film there. But John Waters beat you with his film called Desperate Living. I remember the 300 pound maid, and the transvestite's penis being lopped off and fed to the dog. A weird, wacky and wonderful piece of work from Waters.

Stevo

Jay said...

According to witnesses, it was a hell of a fight and the "cuttee" was close to unconscious. Jack and Stevo...you've got to remember the story of Lorena Bobbitt, who cut off her cheating husband's crank. It was more or less successfully reattached and he became a porn star of some novelty.